I Wish That I Had Duck Feet is a children's book written by Dr. Seuss, illustrated by B. Tobey, and first published in 1965. "Theo. LeSieg" was a pen name of Theodor Geisel, who is more commonly known as Dr. Seuss. The story concerns a boy who wishes that he could have many different animal and mechanical body parts. For each body part, he explains the pros and cons of them. At the end, he decides that he is happiest being himself.
The story begins with an anonymous boy who wishes he had duck feet because he would never have to keep them dry. If he had duck feet, he would never wear shoes, and say to Big Bill Brown that those feet are the only ones in town. The boy wishes to swim in a pond with ducks, but if he had duck feet, his mother would not like them, as they're too wet for the home floor, so he can't have duck feet.
The boy now wishes to have big deer horns. If he had antlers, he would wear ten hats up there, while Big Bill could wear just one. And when the boy would play ball nobody could stop him at all. If he had antlers, they would carry everything including apples for his teacher. But with such big horns, he could never fit inside the school bus.
So instead, the boy wishes to have a whale's spout. If he had a spout, he would keep his classroom cool when days get hot. He would play in the summer all day, and beat Big Bill at tennis. But if he had a spout, his mother would never allow it in his house.
So instead, the boy now wishes to have a long, long tail. He would use his tail as a jump rope, and to pull girls behind him when he rides his bike. With a long tail, he would hit a fly ten feet away. But if he had such a long tail, Big Bill would tie him into a tree and he would never get down.
So now, the boy wishes to have an elephant's nose. He would use the trunk to reach things that are too high for him. With a long nose, he would sneeze on Big Bill and blow him down. The boy could use his trunk to work with firemen and help them put out fires. But if he had a long nose, his dad would make me wash the car and the whole house. He thinks he could work all day with that "hose".
Then, the boy suddenly comes up that if he had all those things together, he'd be a WHICH-WHAT-WHO. If he was a Which-What-Who, he would jump around the give the town a scare. The townspeople would call the police and animal catcher and they'd catch him in a net and take him to the zoo. If he was in the zoo, then he'd eat hay twice a day, and his family and friends would not like it at all.
Finally, the boy decides he wishes to be himself. The final illustrations shows him throwing the animal parts in the trash can.
- This is the second Beginner Book written only by Dr. Seuss (as Theo. LeSieg).